10 Ways To Kill Time While You’re Killin’ Time

How many hours a day/a week do you spend parked in front of your computer fighting the good fight vicariously through the likes of imaginary minions and monsters? This time, it can simply evaporate; massive temporal lapses measured in curious self-reflection: “when was the last time I brushed my teeth/is that smell me?”

Truly, for some, this is an issue that needs addressing – I myself am quite prone to periodic MtGO binges. So today, as your life coach and pundit, I will impart upon you the ways in which I assuage self-reproach for being so unapologetically consumed by this game. This is how I manage my time in between rounds:

1.) Tidy up – As a borderline obsessive compulsive (I own hundreds of books, all of which are alphabetized by author and then title, summarily kept flush on the shelf on which they inhabit to create a clean perfect line), this isn’t so much a way to while away the time. Now, for others – and you know who you are – keeping even the immediate area on lock is next to impossible. My advice? Bust out the Windex and a paper towel and, at the very least, wipe down your desk. Take out that over-stuffed bag of garbage. Empty the dishwasher. Make your bed (girls don’t like messy beds). Put away those heaps of dirty clothes. Pick up all those twenty-side die and sketches of Sandra Bullock off your floor and bust out that generic Swiffer, party people. I could elaborate ad infintium here, but let’s move on; the next round may be fast approaching!

2.) Bathe - Despite being something of a neat freak (as mentioned above), I have foregone hygiene in the name of over-indulgent gaming on a occasion. Specifically I recall a three day period where I was wearing a pair of pajama bottoms before realizing they were in fact inside out with the pockets protruding out like I was a man-sized double marsupial.

Even though you may be holed up like Anne Frank in your domicile, safe from the prying eyes and noses of the general public, a shower is a quick fix. Heck, there is even a myth in the scientific community (of which I take no part) that hot water stimulates the brain. So a brisk clean off may boost you into a momentary state of tactical genius!

3.) Make some calls/send some emails - I have a lot of family, the bulk of which I avoid like dirty underwear on a humid day. This is why I make sure to contact them when I am partially distracted – this is especially helpful when talking to my sisters whose lives seem to be in a perpetual state of self-inflicted disarray. Also, this buys me an out in terms of a defined timeline. “Sorry, Mom. Gotta kill some minotaurs. It’s pretty urgent.” So pick up that phone, call your Uncle Chet, and regale him with inane banter.

This same logic extends to the worldwide web. You’re already on the computer. Pay that cellphone bill/child support via direct pay. Poke your high school sweetheart on Facebook (if you missed out when it mattered, heh). Leave some feedback on bay. Sift through the bombardment of viral junk mail accumulating in your inbox. Just minimize Modo and transphase back to our plane for a few with the intention of addressing obligations. Then they’re out of the way and, WHAM, more time for Magic!

4.) Exercise – So let’s get one of the more ambitious endeavors out from under us now that we have a couple more realistic ways to manage your idle time. This is actually how I spend a lot of my dead time while dorking out. But before I wax Tae Bo, let me make a confession: I hate the gym – especially in New York. I’m an okay looking guy with an adequate frame, but the showboating that takes place in these venues is more of a revolting distraction for me than an atmosphere of encouragement and camaraderie. A guy can only watch burly former jocks covered in kanji tattoos stare at themselves with longing in a full length mirror so many times before saying, “no more, bro bro.” That said, I made a few economically sound purchases for at home fitness: some adjustable free weights, a yoga mat, and (the most ridiculous of which) an elliptical cross trainer. So when I have time, I pick up the weights and go at it. Other times I tuck my foot beneath the lip of the spiral stairs that descend into my cave of sadness that I too often inhabit and do sit ups – left elbow to right knee and vice versa.

Truly, this is the most profitable use of those seemingly agonizing minutes between games. Of course being in better shape IRL in no way directly translates to being a stronger player, but hey, why not be the geek that can house would-be dejectors on your way to FNM if need be?

5.) FOOOOOOD – On the opposite end of the spectrum we have need for further consumption. My most beloved of beloveds ChrisKool is always scampering off to make seaweed burritos and Earl Gray tea to sustain his drowsy little body for more of my verbal and emotional abuse. Do the same: make a sandwich, drink some goat milk, fry up a pancake in the shape of Emrakul (ChrisKool’s uncle). Cooking is almost always cheaper and healthier than ordering delivery. Chef Boyardee it up, son son.

6.) Read - I am a more than avid reader. In fact, I would venture to say that I spend a minimum of three hours a day reading a novel, a comic book, an article, some homework that needs to be absorbed, content that requires a once over before posting, or a more-than-likely incorrect Wikipedia post. Point is, I am learning, if even trivial dross only useful in a single conversation that may never present itself – anyone know what the the gestation period of a Borneo’s pygmy elephant is? I do!. Even if you want to “stay in the zone,” so to speak, there are tons of sites rife with information about the game for you to peruse at your leisure (like the one you are on right now). Flex that mind muscle for something other than killing Saprolings, people people!

7.) Get some air – This is something I encourage my fearless wampire lord, Marin Baraba, to do when he goes on a multiple-day bender of being shackled to site maintenance/management. Though I am fortunate enough to have a part-time gig that not only facilitates me with mandatory social interaction but also forces me to commute out of my basement lair. Do remember I work from home as the Content Manager of this very site. This means I spend a lot of time playing grammar janitor, typing html codes into articles, making videos, communicating with Academy folks, etc. All of this requires me to be hunkered down in front of my laptop like Swamp Thing for hours at a time. So sometimes it’s nice to just go outside, suck in the clean Brooklyn-Queens Expressway air, and have a moment to myself (as like six hundred people file past me speaking every imaginable language the human tongue ever conspired to manufacture). Oh, and if you smoke (which is gross, bro) you can always knock down your life expectancy.

8.) “To Dos” - This is a bit more abstract, I suppose, but is still something I do perpetually throughout the day regardless of where I am: compose lists of things I need to do/remember. I am being constantly inundated with tedium and minutia, all of which I attempt to wrangle in shorthand. Obviously I try and knock some things off these lists when possible, but Step One is knowing what the heck needs to be done. So if you have a method to your madness, take a few and scribble it down.

9.) Errands – I suppose this is the umbrella under which many of the above fall, but it’s still worth mentioning. Geography permitting, but why not cross some of those inane tasks of that To Do list? Drop that copy of “What a Girl Wants” in the mail to hasten your next Netflix arrival. Grab a birthday card for Uncle Chet from the pharmacy. Return that WeedWhacker to your neighbor. Write your article (yeah, I mean you, Academy peeps). Run to the grocery store and purchase that papaya and Ziplock bags you keep forgetting. Walk your dog. Take this precious time between plopping down Eldrazi and losing to Eldrazi to eliminate that tedium. Your life will be better for it; I give you my Cajun guarantee.

10.) Veg – Ah, the best and most obvious for last. Surely this is something to which most of you resort in that dull vacuum that is waiting to play: vegetate! That’s right, turn on the boob tube and enter a shamanic trance of insipid, convenient entertainment. How else could you finish “What a Girl Wants?” Watch last night’s CSI, or whatever crap shows you DVR. Surely there is some mildly fascinating documentary on Discovery or National Geographic – just the other day I watched “The Whale That Exploded” while waiting for Round two of Kaya’s Sunday Chaos PRE. If the above constructive deeds do not appeal to you, go for the fail safe, Desmond (nudge).

(Time Time)

Remember, friends: time is had, not made. Get off your keesters and make use of this precious time back here in the Real World! If you have any other tips or philosophies on time management that I may have missed shout it loud in the comments below! Your participation will be considered an act of philanthropy.

Best,

Trav Trav