Dime a Dozen #26: The Return of White Weenie

White Weenie is dead.

There’s a statement that would’ve seemed much more valid a month or two ago. I mean, who in their right mind would play White Weenie, a deck that should repeatedly fold to the multiple Cloudpost strategies, the multiple Temporal Fissure strategies, and to the (arguably) most prominent deck in the format (which just so happens to play Cloudpost and Temporal Fissure congruently)? What kind of dense, illogical, ticket-wasting durdle would choose White Weenie of all things to play in a Daily Event?

You, of course, already know the answer. Now take a look at this:

Before I talk about the deck itself, I think I owe you all an explanation. How could I bring myself to do such a thing? Why would I sleeve up these harmless pet birds, fishermen (women?), and stick-throwers and send them on a suicide mission? You can find the answer by looking at this card:

Jason, this card isn’t even in your deck. I’ll explain later.

You see, Chris Davis started it. The whole thing. He began recording videos of various mono-white Ramosian Rally brews, and contemplating which shell would be superlative in housing the Mercadian Masques instant. Somehow I’d spent my entire Pauper career overlooking the card (I mean it’s not like I get paid to study these things, right?). But I can’t feel terrible, since I clearly hadn’t been the only one. Better late than never I guess.

Chris made some good points about building mono-white decks in Pauper these days. Number one was the fact that in today’s environment we’ve got to be fast and we’ve got to be brutal. No more stonewalling them with Guardian of the Guildpact and Seraph of Dawn because, how midrange of me. No.

Now we have to get our hands dirty.

Now they have to die, and the sooner they die, the better. Now we have to scratch for each victory with our rusty Mirrodin hatchets and our bird talons and our bird beaks. We have to because they’re making us. Because if we don’t, their smoky-looking wall guy is going to do a bunch of backflips, and they’re going to relocate the contents of our board (Mnemonic Wall, Ghostly Flicker and Temporal Fissure in case I’ve lost you).

So the brewing began, and I tinkered with a list that would support Rally in a respectable fashion. What resulted was a predominantly unsurprising White Weenie configuration with a few marginal specks of uniqueness.

20 Plains. My older “Bird Keepers” decks went as low as 18, but 18 earns you free tickets to Sadville by way of Mulligan Station, and you don’t really want to go there. Make sure the artwork matches, and remember: just because they’re Plains doesn’t mean they’re plain. They do stupendous things, like casting 1/1s for 1 and 2/2s for 2. Go pick your jaw up.

14(!) Turn 1 creatures. Guys, this is a Ramosian Rally deck (it isn’t, but it is). We need to Turn 1 guy Turn 2 smash them every game and do it proudly. And who’s the new guy? That’s Akrasan Squire. Alls he does is bash for 2 (or 3) early, get War Falcon to bash for 3 (or 4) early, and get some other knucklehead to bash for a lot late in the game when everyone else is so disappointingly blockable. It’s not insane, but it’s workable.

And that’s all to really talk about. Everything else in the main (and the sideboard for that matter) is stuff you’ve probably seen before. We bring in the 21st Plains whenever we go big, or in this case go medium against decks by playing 3x Aven Riftwatcher and 3x Prismatic Strands. I guess that means it’s time for the Daily Event!

But it’s not. Not yet at least because I haven’t told you why Ramosian Rally left the deck. The short answer is: I chickened out. I chickened out because Bonesplitter just enables so many things I want to be doing against the field. Things that (I think) will win more games. It lets our guys trade with Carapace Forger, Myr Enforcer, and Nivix Cyclops, swing into Mnemonic Wall and Spire Golem and connect for 3 (4 with Akrasan Squire) on Turn 2. So the Daily Event that should’ve been a fearless test of a new(ish) card ended up being a Spikey-er attempt at proving that White Weenie can still accumulate tickets.

So can it?

See for yourselves!

If there’s anything I’ve learned from playing Pauper (and Standard Pauper, and SilverBlack) it’s that “metagaming” or adjusting to “the field” is nowhere near as important as I once thought it was. What is important is practicing with a deck that both works for and makes sense to you (because it has a game plan and it wins with it), and prioritizing that above other fleeting factors.

I could probably spend a whole article talking about this, but I’ll try to summarize: I could’ve gone into that Daily Event playing Affinity, a “safer,” more proven choice. But guess what? I don’t understand all of Affinity’s matchups or sideboard plans or lines of play, and that makes it an inferior choice for me.

With this deck, with these pet birds and these axe-wielding sky cats, I feel capable. I feel secure, and I feel confident. That, ladies and germs, is worth more than most opinions or percentages you could throw at me.

Have you ever played a deck that made you feel like that? Then you know why I play White Weenie.

The End.

And oh yeah, the deck is back. Please comment!

You can find Jason
hosting the Pauper’s Cage podcast
on MTGO as BambooRush
on Twitter @dimecollectorsc
and on Youtube at youtube.com/dimecollectorsc